Maybe she's right, I changed, I don't believe in love that much. Not love in general, but his love, it's not the same as we were boyfriend and girlfriend, it seems to lessen when we got married.
It's been more than a year since I've been giving excuses to his shortcomings. Understanding his flaw, thinking that he's not yet over with his single life --
When I was pregnant with lila, I told him to quit smoking, he said he will, when lila is born... Lila is more than a year now but he still smokes. His reasons/excuse: "I am full", "It's cold", "I am stressed", "this is my first stick this day" etc. I always asked him when will he stop, he will always tell me "soon" ... I'm losing patience in waiting and I'm tired of asking.
Drinking everyday! I always tell him that drinking is bad for his health. His unreasonable excuse: "My body is made of steel", "Don't listen to the doctor, they don't know anything!", "This is only a bottle" .
Hanging out wih his friends, drinking up to dawn as if there's no one waiting for him to go home. This has been always the reason of our feuds. Most of the time, I don't allow him to go out with his friends because he doesn't come home on time, and without any notice that he can't make it on time.
Last night, he's telling me that when we go to his place on Friday, he will go out to say 'hi' to his friends, knowng the simple 'hi' will take hime more than an hour, i asked him why can't he wait for saturday, since we're going to arrive there at night, his answer:"When you got your salary, buy handscuffs to keep me home". I was hurt, he does not know that it is our monthsary on Friday, that I'm giving him a hint because it will be the first monthsary that we will be together since he arrived from Japan. I was hurt he doesn't anticipate our special day anymore. I envied his friends birthdays, or friends gimik schedules, he always remember those...
He's telling me that he is still adjusting, but until when? I can't see any improvement too. The hurt is just piling up, soon I'm going to give up.
Things I'm holding on is Lila and the hope that soon he will grow up. I'm not also perfect, but I'm trying to be a good wife a good mother. I hope he will too.
I smile because he still make me happy but behind my smile: I feel unimportant, I feel neglected.
29 May 2008
11 May 2008
A letter for my mama...
Happy Mother's Day Mama... Though I wasn't able to kiss you yesterday, I hope you know what's in my heart. I miss you so much ma, my heart cries every time I remember that it will take time before I can kiss and hug you again. Thanks for everything! Here's a song for you:
"To Where You Are"
Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory's so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be (?)
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave
Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
09 May 2008
lazy day
I am so lazy today because I don't have work to do. I'm just waiting for bugs to fixed but only two came up which can be solved in 5 minutes. Darn! I've been wanting to rest my mind, and here it is but my mind is still not in rest because I've been worrying what will I charge in my time sheet. lol!
Now I'm waiting for the time so I could go home and attend my mom's last day novena.
Now I'm waiting for the time so I could go home and attend my mom's last day novena.
08 May 2008
WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE
(Debunking the Myths That Are Driving You Crazy) By: Bo Sanchez
This article isn't for teenagers only.
Falling in love happens to the young and the not-so-young. (Did you see 42-year-old Tom Cruise jump up and down Oprah's couch because of Katie?)
It happens to everyone. Fat, thin, tall, short, intelligent, uneducated, holy, not so holy, dark, white, yellow, green... it doesn't really matter.
All of us fall in love.
And we get stuck in myths that drive us absolutely crazy.
My goal is to debunk these myths and convince you not to believe in them.
Let's begin ...
MYTH 1: LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL
Let me qualify.
This is such a tricky myth. Because love ----- as defined by the Bible ------ will conquer all. But love ------ as defined by glazed-eyed lovers ----- will not.
If you believe in this myth, you might do the following:
You overlook major obstacles in your relationship.
Everyone you know is wondering why you chose that creature from outer space as your boyfriend. Your bestfriends are telling you to get rid of him. Your family is telling you to throw him out of a running vehicle. Aling Rosa of the sari-sari store across the street is telling you to lace his drink with poison.
But you won't --------- because you're in love. That's why there are songs entitled, "you and me against the world".
Your best buds comment, 'but he's been jobless for the past three years!" And you say, "He's free-spirited. He feels boxed in when he's in the office. '(in other words, he's undisciplined, lazy bum.)
Your officemates say, 'He flirts with other women constantly!' and you say, 'No, he's just friendly.' (in other words, he's a pervert)
Your cousins say, 'He's taking drugs, He's got needle marks all over his arm. And you say, 'No, he's into cross stitching.'
You overstay in toxic relationships, believing that your love will change him.
The wedding doesn't transform anyone...Even if three Popes officiate the wedding. The person you'll march with into the church will be the same person you'll march with out of the church. He doesn't change one bit.
In fact, the marriage makes the hidden more obvious.
If he was selfish before he got married, he will be even more selfish after the wedding. If he was hypercritical before he got married, he'll even be more vile and prolific with his criticisms after wedding. Here's the truth: You need more than feelings of love to make a relationship work. You need mature character, total commitment and a minimum level of compatibility.
(Especially compatibility in the area of values and mission in life. I hear people say, 'We're compatible. Our names begin with the same letter J. My name is Julie and his name is Julio. We're both born in July." )
Wow. That's so deep, I want to cry. (<-- i know a lot of people like this..) MYTH 2 : WHEN IT"S TRUE LOVE YOU WILL KNOW THE MOMENT YOU MEET THE OTHER PERSON
I'm sure you've had this experience before.
You are in a crowded room. You're surrounded by boring, noisy chatter when, suddenly, this gorgeous guy enters the door. Your eyes meet. Instantly, time stands still. The universe grinds to a halt. Except for this attractive man in front of you, everything in your vision becomes a giant blur. The hubbub of the crowd becomes a soft muffle and, from out of nowhere, you here gentle violin music from the background.
One week later, he's your boyfriend.
A few weeks later, you discover that your boyfriend's a pathological liar, buried in credit card debt, borrows money from all his girlfriends (you're his eight in six months).
Your mind says, 'Dump him'.
Your heart says, 'But it was love at first sight!'
Here are the consequences ...
You become so focused on the magical first moment, you become blind to the dark side of the relationship.
Six out of seven days, you're fighting with your boyfriend. But you can't give him up because you met each other in such a magical moment. Your car keys fell and he picked it up, and then your eyes met, you smelled his deodorant, and you dropped your keys again ......How can you not be meant for each other?
You become a love-at-first-sight junkie that you could miss out on the 'real thing'.
One intelligent woman told me, 'Bo, there's this guy who's courting me. He's okay. He's kind, he's responsible, he has a good job.......'
"I could hear a 'but' coming ," I said.
"But there are no sparks!" she bit her lip.
"No violin music playing in the background huh?"
"None. When I see him, the background music I hear is lululalu-lalulalulalei..."
"Listen. You don't need a magical first moment to meet your potential husband. The important things are mature character, financial responsibility, ability for commitment, compatible mission and values..."
I actually met this girl again on her wedding, and before she marched down the aisle, she whispered to me, "Do you hear the violin music, Bo? It's loud and clear."
It doesn't have to be love at first sight. In fact, marriages with the least adjustments are those between friends who've known each other for years before they realize that they're good marriage material.
What is love at first sight?
Many times, it's lust at first sight. Or infatuation at first sight.
Don't give it too much weight.
Here's the truth: it takes a moment to experience infatuation but true love takes a lifetime.
MYTH 3 : IF IT IS TRUE LOVE YOU WILL FEEL THIS WAY FOR EACH OTHER FOREVER
No, you won't. Here are the consequences for believing this myth :
You panic when the feelings wane, and wonder whether the marriage is over and whether you really loved one another in the first place.
Imagine the night of your honeymoon. Your new bride is sleeping. The cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. You gaze at her lovely face. You study her soft cheeks. Her long eyelashes. Her beautiful nose, her parted red lips.
And all of a sudden, she snores.
"Ngggggggooork"
How do you react? Because it's your honeymoon, you say, 'How cute.'
Six months down the road, the same scene transpires. Your wife is sleeping. And the same cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. And you hear her snore.
"Ngggggoork."
What do you say? "Ssssssheeeesh, Honey! You sound like a boat!"
What has happened? The feelings have gone. Let me say this: 'That's normal. It happens to everyone. But it doesn't mean your love is gone so don't panic!
You can make a decision to love the snoring boat.
You start blaming your partner for the loss of love
This is nutty. But many people do it: when we don't feel in love, we think it's the fault of the other person. And so we fight him. Again, we fall out of love because we're human beings. It's nobody's fault. The moment you fall out of love, the real work begins.
Let me explain.
This is the most important point I'm going to make. (I got this from Scott Peck in his bestseller book, The Road Less traveled)
"Falling in love isn't love."
Here's why. When you fall in love...
a. No decision is required. Falling in love just happens.
b. No effort is required. Falling in love is like.... Well, falling.
c. No hard work is required. Falling in love is being bitten by the love bug.
On the other hand, true love requires all three : Decision, effort and lots of hard work. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love.
When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it ---- that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting marriage.
MYTH 4: YOUR PARTNER WILL FULFILL YOU COMPLETELY
Again because falling in love satisfied you completely ----- you want the same satisfaction to last. No it won't. Consequence? You might fail to recognize a good relationship because your partner isn't fulfilling the needs you should be fulfilling yourself.
Here's the truth: the right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them .
There are just some things your husband can't give you: you're self-worth. Your spirituality. Your inner happiness. These are things you have to work on your own. I've met lots of people who think they're dissatisfied with their marriage. In reality, they're dissatisfied with themselves. I've met lots of people who think they're bored with their marriages. And they complain to the high heavens how boring their husband or wife is ---- when in truth, they're really bored with life.
Meet your own needs. Find your happiness in God. Find your niche, your calling, your destiny. And then share your joy with your spouse.
MYTH 5 : IF IT'S TRUE LOVE YOU WON'T BE ATTRACTED TO ANYONE ELSE
If you believe in this myth, you panic when you get attracted to someone else, questioning the authenticity of your love for your spouse.
One man told me, 'Bo, I love my wife. Or I thought I did. But then I met this woman at work. She has nice make-up. She smells nice. She wears a pencil-cut skirt. When I go home, my wife is wearing a drab rag. Her hair is undone. She smells of vinegar. Gosh I am attracted to this girl at work."
Being attracted to someone is normal ----- even if you have a happy marriage. But being attracted doesn't mean falling into adultery.
Every time you think of the other woman, discipline your heart and say, 'Home, boy, Home!' and escort your heart back to your wife. Because if you feed your attraction with fantasies and constantly think about the other woman, it grows.
But if you starve your attraction, it dies
This article isn't for teenagers only.
Falling in love happens to the young and the not-so-young. (Did you see 42-year-old Tom Cruise jump up and down Oprah's couch because of Katie?)
It happens to everyone. Fat, thin, tall, short, intelligent, uneducated, holy, not so holy, dark, white, yellow, green... it doesn't really matter.
All of us fall in love.
And we get stuck in myths that drive us absolutely crazy.
My goal is to debunk these myths and convince you not to believe in them.
Let's begin ...
MYTH 1: LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL
Let me qualify.
This is such a tricky myth. Because love ----- as defined by the Bible ------ will conquer all. But love ------ as defined by glazed-eyed lovers ----- will not.
If you believe in this myth, you might do the following:
You overlook major obstacles in your relationship.
Everyone you know is wondering why you chose that creature from outer space as your boyfriend. Your bestfriends are telling you to get rid of him. Your family is telling you to throw him out of a running vehicle. Aling Rosa of the sari-sari store across the street is telling you to lace his drink with poison.
But you won't --------- because you're in love. That's why there are songs entitled, "you and me against the world".
Your best buds comment, 'but he's been jobless for the past three years!" And you say, "He's free-spirited. He feels boxed in when he's in the office. '(in other words, he's undisciplined, lazy bum.)
Your officemates say, 'He flirts with other women constantly!' and you say, 'No, he's just friendly.' (in other words, he's a pervert)
Your cousins say, 'He's taking drugs, He's got needle marks all over his arm. And you say, 'No, he's into cross stitching.'
You overstay in toxic relationships, believing that your love will change him.
The wedding doesn't transform anyone...Even if three Popes officiate the wedding. The person you'll march with into the church will be the same person you'll march with out of the church. He doesn't change one bit.
In fact, the marriage makes the hidden more obvious.
If he was selfish before he got married, he will be even more selfish after the wedding. If he was hypercritical before he got married, he'll even be more vile and prolific with his criticisms after wedding. Here's the truth: You need more than feelings of love to make a relationship work. You need mature character, total commitment and a minimum level of compatibility.
(Especially compatibility in the area of values and mission in life. I hear people say, 'We're compatible. Our names begin with the same letter J. My name is Julie and his name is Julio. We're both born in July." )
Wow. That's so deep, I want to cry. (<-- i know a lot of people like this..) MYTH 2 : WHEN IT"S TRUE LOVE YOU WILL KNOW THE MOMENT YOU MEET THE OTHER PERSON
I'm sure you've had this experience before.
You are in a crowded room. You're surrounded by boring, noisy chatter when, suddenly, this gorgeous guy enters the door. Your eyes meet. Instantly, time stands still. The universe grinds to a halt. Except for this attractive man in front of you, everything in your vision becomes a giant blur. The hubbub of the crowd becomes a soft muffle and, from out of nowhere, you here gentle violin music from the background.
One week later, he's your boyfriend.
A few weeks later, you discover that your boyfriend's a pathological liar, buried in credit card debt, borrows money from all his girlfriends (you're his eight in six months).
Your mind says, 'Dump him'.
Your heart says, 'But it was love at first sight!'
Here are the consequences ...
You become so focused on the magical first moment, you become blind to the dark side of the relationship.
Six out of seven days, you're fighting with your boyfriend. But you can't give him up because you met each other in such a magical moment. Your car keys fell and he picked it up, and then your eyes met, you smelled his deodorant, and you dropped your keys again ......How can you not be meant for each other?
You become a love-at-first-sight junkie that you could miss out on the 'real thing'.
One intelligent woman told me, 'Bo, there's this guy who's courting me. He's okay. He's kind, he's responsible, he has a good job.......'
"I could hear a 'but' coming ," I said.
"But there are no sparks!" she bit her lip.
"No violin music playing in the background huh?"
"None. When I see him, the background music I hear is lululalu-lalulalulalei..."
"Listen. You don't need a magical first moment to meet your potential husband. The important things are mature character, financial responsibility, ability for commitment, compatible mission and values..."
I actually met this girl again on her wedding, and before she marched down the aisle, she whispered to me, "Do you hear the violin music, Bo? It's loud and clear."
It doesn't have to be love at first sight. In fact, marriages with the least adjustments are those between friends who've known each other for years before they realize that they're good marriage material.
What is love at first sight?
Many times, it's lust at first sight. Or infatuation at first sight.
Don't give it too much weight.
Here's the truth: it takes a moment to experience infatuation but true love takes a lifetime.
MYTH 3 : IF IT IS TRUE LOVE YOU WILL FEEL THIS WAY FOR EACH OTHER FOREVER
No, you won't. Here are the consequences for believing this myth :
You panic when the feelings wane, and wonder whether the marriage is over and whether you really loved one another in the first place.
Imagine the night of your honeymoon. Your new bride is sleeping. The cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. You gaze at her lovely face. You study her soft cheeks. Her long eyelashes. Her beautiful nose, her parted red lips.
And all of a sudden, she snores.
"Ngggggggooork"
How do you react? Because it's your honeymoon, you say, 'How cute.'
Six months down the road, the same scene transpires. Your wife is sleeping. And the same cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. And you hear her snore.
"Ngggggoork."
What do you say? "Ssssssheeeesh, Honey! You sound like a boat!"
What has happened? The feelings have gone. Let me say this: 'That's normal. It happens to everyone. But it doesn't mean your love is gone so don't panic!
You can make a decision to love the snoring boat.
You start blaming your partner for the loss of love
This is nutty. But many people do it: when we don't feel in love, we think it's the fault of the other person. And so we fight him. Again, we fall out of love because we're human beings. It's nobody's fault. The moment you fall out of love, the real work begins.
Let me explain.
This is the most important point I'm going to make. (I got this from Scott Peck in his bestseller book, The Road Less traveled)
"Falling in love isn't love."
Here's why. When you fall in love...
a. No decision is required. Falling in love just happens.
b. No effort is required. Falling in love is like.... Well, falling.
c. No hard work is required. Falling in love is being bitten by the love bug.
On the other hand, true love requires all three : Decision, effort and lots of hard work. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love.
When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it ---- that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting marriage.
MYTH 4: YOUR PARTNER WILL FULFILL YOU COMPLETELY
Again because falling in love satisfied you completely ----- you want the same satisfaction to last. No it won't. Consequence? You might fail to recognize a good relationship because your partner isn't fulfilling the needs you should be fulfilling yourself.
Here's the truth: the right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them .
There are just some things your husband can't give you: you're self-worth. Your spirituality. Your inner happiness. These are things you have to work on your own. I've met lots of people who think they're dissatisfied with their marriage. In reality, they're dissatisfied with themselves. I've met lots of people who think they're bored with their marriages. And they complain to the high heavens how boring their husband or wife is ---- when in truth, they're really bored with life.
Meet your own needs. Find your happiness in God. Find your niche, your calling, your destiny. And then share your joy with your spouse.
MYTH 5 : IF IT'S TRUE LOVE YOU WON'T BE ATTRACTED TO ANYONE ELSE
If you believe in this myth, you panic when you get attracted to someone else, questioning the authenticity of your love for your spouse.
One man told me, 'Bo, I love my wife. Or I thought I did. But then I met this woman at work. She has nice make-up. She smells nice. She wears a pencil-cut skirt. When I go home, my wife is wearing a drab rag. Her hair is undone. She smells of vinegar. Gosh I am attracted to this girl at work."
Being attracted to someone is normal ----- even if you have a happy marriage. But being attracted doesn't mean falling into adultery.
Every time you think of the other woman, discipline your heart and say, 'Home, boy, Home!' and escort your heart back to your wife. Because if you feed your attraction with fantasies and constantly think about the other woman, it grows.
But if you starve your attraction, it dies
100 Truths
This is supposed to be 100 questions, but some items are missing.
001. Real name: Michelle Leelin Rivera
002. Nickname: Mich/Minggay/Ming
003. Married: yes
004. Zodiac sign: Gemini
005. Male or female: female
006. Elementary: Dominican College
007. Highschool: Dominican College (pa din)
008. College : Asia Pacific College
009. Location: Mandaluyong
010. Hair color: Black
011. Long or short: medium length
012. Smoke: not anymore...
013. Drink: occasionally
014. Availability: weekends
015. Are you a health freak: sometimes
016. Height: 5'2"
017. Do you have a crush on someone: no
018. Do you like yourself: ofcourse
019. Piercings: ears
020. Tattoos: none
021. Righty or Lefty: righty
FIRSTS:
022. First surgery: episiotomy
023. First piercing: when i was a baby
024. First best friend: rikka mae
025. First award: can't remember
026. First sport you joined: tagu-taguan =D
027. First pet: dog (pop)
028. First vacation: i don't know
029. First concert: Moffats
030. First crush: ryan, he is my cousin's cousin :p
wher's 31 - 48??
CURRENTLY:
049. Eating?: chippy
050. Drinking: nescafe ice
wher's 51??
052. I’m about to: reply to my team
053. Listening to: keyboard clicks
FAVORITES:
054. Food: ice cream. popcorn, mangoes
055. Drinks: water, fruit shakes, ice coffee
056. Color: white and yellow
057. Numbers: 30
MY FUTURE:
058. Want kids: I already have one
059. Want to get married: i'm already married
060. Careers in mind: i want to be a WHAM - work at home mom (career ba un??)
where's 61-67?
WHICH IS BETTER?
068. Lips or eyes: eyes
069. Hugs or kisses: hugs
070. Shorter or taller: taller
where's 71?
072. Romantic or Spontaneous: both
073. Nice stomach or nice arms: nice arms
074. Sensitive or loud: sensitive
075. Hook-up or relationship: relationship
where's 76?
077. Trouble maker or Hesitant: Trouble maker
HAVE YOU EVER:
078. Kissed a stranger? no
079. Drank bubbles: no
080. Lost glasses/contacts: yes
081. Ran away from home: ran away at night but go back early morning. lol.
082. Liked someone younger: yes
083. Older: yes
084. Broken someone's heart: maybe
085. Been arrested: no
086. Turned someone down: yes
087. Cried when someone died: yup :c
088. Liked a friend: yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
089. Yourself: yes
090. Miracles: yes
091. Love at first sight: yes
092. Heaven: YES
093. Santa Claus: no
094. Sex on the first date: no
095. The more you hate, the more you love: no
096. Angels: yes and I wan to be one
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with you right now? yes
098. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at a time? never
099. Do you believe in God? YES
100. Post as 100 Truths: yes
001. Real name: Michelle Leelin Rivera
002. Nickname: Mich/Minggay/Ming
003. Married: yes
004. Zodiac sign: Gemini
005. Male or female: female
006. Elementary: Dominican College
007. Highschool: Dominican College (pa din)
008. College : Asia Pacific College
009. Location: Mandaluyong
010. Hair color: Black
011. Long or short: medium length
012. Smoke: not anymore...
013. Drink: occasionally
014. Availability: weekends
015. Are you a health freak: sometimes
016. Height: 5'2"
017. Do you have a crush on someone: no
018. Do you like yourself: ofcourse
019. Piercings: ears
020. Tattoos: none
021. Righty or Lefty: righty
FIRSTS:
022. First surgery: episiotomy
023. First piercing: when i was a baby
024. First best friend: rikka mae
025. First award: can't remember
026. First sport you joined: tagu-taguan =D
027. First pet: dog (pop)
028. First vacation: i don't know
029. First concert: Moffats
030. First crush: ryan, he is my cousin's cousin :p
wher's 31 - 48??
CURRENTLY:
049. Eating?: chippy
050. Drinking: nescafe ice
wher's 51??
052. I’m about to: reply to my team
053. Listening to: keyboard clicks
FAVORITES:
054. Food: ice cream. popcorn, mangoes
055. Drinks: water, fruit shakes, ice coffee
056. Color: white and yellow
057. Numbers: 30
MY FUTURE:
058. Want kids: I already have one
059. Want to get married: i'm already married
060. Careers in mind: i want to be a WHAM - work at home mom (career ba un??)
where's 61-67?
WHICH IS BETTER?
068. Lips or eyes: eyes
069. Hugs or kisses: hugs
070. Shorter or taller: taller
where's 71?
072. Romantic or Spontaneous: both
073. Nice stomach or nice arms: nice arms
074. Sensitive or loud: sensitive
075. Hook-up or relationship: relationship
where's 76?
077. Trouble maker or Hesitant: Trouble maker
HAVE YOU EVER:
078. Kissed a stranger? no
079. Drank bubbles: no
080. Lost glasses/contacts: yes
081. Ran away from home: ran away at night but go back early morning. lol.
082. Liked someone younger: yes
083. Older: yes
084. Broken someone's heart: maybe
085. Been arrested: no
086. Turned someone down: yes
087. Cried when someone died: yup :c
088. Liked a friend: yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
089. Yourself: yes
090. Miracles: yes
091. Love at first sight: yes
092. Heaven: YES
093. Santa Claus: no
094. Sex on the first date: no
095. The more you hate, the more you love: no
096. Angels: yes and I wan to be one
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with you right now? yes
098. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at a time? never
099. Do you believe in God? YES
100. Post as 100 Truths: yes
05 May 2008
aftershock
I am not in the mood to work today, this is my first day at work since I've been gone for almost 2 weeks. Out of four SIRs (bugs) that were assigned to me, I only solved one. I can't focus on the the things that I should do after what happened to mama. I just want to stay home with my family whom I find the comfort that I needed. I don't want to be alone because I will only remember the days when she was slowly dying. That has been torture among us.
April 22, 2008 7:30, mama was rushed in the hospital. She was found unconscious outside her room. When I saw her at the emergency, she was already conscious as if waiting for the rest of us, but her movement wasn't normal anymore, she couldn't even utter any words. I saw her eyes, she looked terrified so I held her hand, whispered to her that everything is going to be alright and kissed her forehead. After awhile, she had seizure and loss her consciousness. I cried so much , it hurts so much seeing her in too much pain.
Several doctors talked to us, they told us that mama suffered from aneurysm which is one of the complication of her kidney problem, her hypertension also triggered it. They also told us that operation wasn't possible anymore, because her aneurysm was already in stage 5, blood was already scattered on her head. They cannot do anything about it, they just suggested to transfer mama from ICU to ward so we can spend the remaining time with her.
We spent time with her, we stayed at the hospital up to the last beat of her heart. We talked to her, said our goodbyes, prayed for her. We knew she can still hear us that time, so we made the most out of it. We surrendered her to the Lord, we learned to let her go to end her sufferings.
I miss her so much. I know someday we'll see each other again. I know she's in good hands right now. I should be happy because her pain has ended, in heaven she will be contented, she will be happy watching us.
April 22, 2008 7:30, mama was rushed in the hospital. She was found unconscious outside her room. When I saw her at the emergency, she was already conscious as if waiting for the rest of us, but her movement wasn't normal anymore, she couldn't even utter any words. I saw her eyes, she looked terrified so I held her hand, whispered to her that everything is going to be alright and kissed her forehead. After awhile, she had seizure and loss her consciousness. I cried so much , it hurts so much seeing her in too much pain.
Several doctors talked to us, they told us that mama suffered from aneurysm which is one of the complication of her kidney problem, her hypertension also triggered it. They also told us that operation wasn't possible anymore, because her aneurysm was already in stage 5, blood was already scattered on her head. They cannot do anything about it, they just suggested to transfer mama from ICU to ward so we can spend the remaining time with her.
We spent time with her, we stayed at the hospital up to the last beat of her heart. We talked to her, said our goodbyes, prayed for her. We knew she can still hear us that time, so we made the most out of it. We surrendered her to the Lord, we learned to let her go to end her sufferings.
I miss her so much. I know someday we'll see each other again. I know she's in good hands right now. I should be happy because her pain has ended, in heaven she will be contented, she will be happy watching us.
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