I am not in the mood to work today, this is my first day at work since I've been gone for almost 2 weeks. Out of four SIRs (bugs) that were assigned to me, I only solved one. I can't focus on the the things that I should do after what happened to mama. I just want to stay home with my family whom I find the comfort that I needed. I don't want to be alone because I will only remember the days when she was slowly dying. That has been torture among us.
April 22, 2008 7:30, mama was rushed in the hospital. She was found unconscious outside her room. When I saw her at the emergency, she was already conscious as if waiting for the rest of us, but her movement wasn't normal anymore, she couldn't even utter any words. I saw her eyes, she looked terrified so I held her hand, whispered to her that everything is going to be alright and kissed her forehead. After awhile, she had seizure and loss her consciousness. I cried so much , it hurts so much seeing her in too much pain.
Several doctors talked to us, they told us that mama suffered from aneurysm which is one of the complication of her kidney problem, her hypertension also triggered it. They also told us that operation wasn't possible anymore, because her aneurysm was already in stage 5, blood was already scattered on her head. They cannot do anything about it, they just suggested to transfer mama from ICU to ward so we can spend the remaining time with her.
We spent time with her, we stayed at the hospital up to the last beat of her heart. We talked to her, said our goodbyes, prayed for her. We knew she can still hear us that time, so we made the most out of it. We surrendered her to the Lord, we learned to let her go to end her sufferings.
I miss her so much. I know someday we'll see each other again. I know she's in good hands right now. I should be happy because her pain has ended, in heaven she will be contented, she will be happy watching us.
